A Good Time to be Together

Today I took my kids on a run.  This is something we do regularly-- my wonderful friend blessed me with a double jogging stroller and I have been making good use of it.  Sometimes we drive into town and run on a paved trail by a park that my kids love.  This, to me, is a luxury.  Most day, however, we tough it out on our terrible, rutted, dusty gravel road.  The days I do this, I usually times my mileage by .5 and then add that.  For example, today we ran 3 miles.  Half of 3 is 1.5, so today I would say my run actually had the effort of at least 4.5 miles.  This is a conservative estimate; the county recently added large new gravel to the road, which is good for vehicles but BAD for jogging strollers and tired mamas.  Long story short, running with 80+ pounds of children and stroller on a gravel road is hard.

Not only do I have to deal with crappy roads, large hills, neighbors dogs that like to run with me, and those birds I am sure are actually demons in disguise (red-winged-blackbirds)-- I also have to deal with one of the most trying species known to mankind on my run: toddler boys who won't. stop. talking. ever.    

EVER.

My 3 year old keeps up a running (ha! pun!) commentary during our jogging trips.  And, if you know any 3 year olds, you know that you MUST answer every one of their questions or the world will end.  Weeping and gnashing of teeth, the whole bit.  Here's a small sample of today's conversation:

Silas: Mama, are those baby goats?
Kara (softly, because she's a little out of breath from running up a quarter-mile hill): Yes
Silas: Mama! Are THOSE the baby GOATS?
Kara (a little louder, a little desperate because she can't breathe): Yes!
Silas: MAMA! ARE THOSE THE BABY GOOOOOAAAAATTTTSSSSS?????
Kara: OH MY GOODNESS YES THOSE ARE THE STUPID GOATS STOP TALKING BECAUSE I CAN'T BREATHE!
(Silence for 10 seconds)
Silas: Mama, don't say stupid, it's naughty.

Anyway, this can be a little frustrating.  Today, however, God used my sweet, loving, inquisitive and sometimes (ahem) infuriating little boy to put me in my place.  Just as I was about to stop the stroller and give my kiddos a lecture on how they need to just BE QUIET and ENJOY the BEAUTIFUL DAY because it's FUN to go running in God's creation-- I started to actually listen to what Silas was saying:
    Great job, Mama! You're doing so good! It's so good to run together! God is helping you run so fast! This is a good time for us to be together!

That time, I almost had to stop because the tears in my eyes were blurring my vision.

What a great reminder to stop and listen to my kids.  Not only do they need my love, attention, and patience-- God can also use them to speak to my heart the exact words I need to hear.

My kids are only going to be small enough for me to push them on a run for a short time.  They're only going to be small, period, for a short time.  "This is a good time for us to be together" is probably one of the most profound things I've ever heard, and it came from my 3 year old.  I'm going to file this conversation away in my brain to pull back up every time I get tired or annoyed or impatient or distracted-- very soon, there will be very little time to be together. 

But, praise Jesus, it's not here yet.  Now I'm going to get them up from their naps.  We're going to make enchiladas together, and it's going to be an absolute disaster-- but seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way.

My kids watch TV

As I sit typing, Oliver is upstairs napping and Silas is engaged in an enthralling episode of Chuggington.  As far as I can tell, Brewster is upset because Zephie picked up something at the quarry that she wasn't supposed to.  He'd better hurry up and tell "V", or "Vee", or whatever.
,
Hard core stuff, I tell you.

I'm not going to lie-- we watch TV in this house.  When we get up in the morning, Silas watches an episode of Mickey Mouse clubhouse while I make breakfast.  Then it gets switched over to GMA until 9:30 or 10, when Oliver takes a nap.  Then it goes back to Disney or Nick Jr (as long as it's not Dora or SpongeBob.  I cannot stand those shows.) for an hour while I work on the computer checking papers (I'm an adjunct for a local college).  It does go off after that, while Silas and I do school and play, until they take afternoon naps and the TV becomes all. mine.

I have an autoimmune condition called Ulcerative Colitis.  It's a lot like Crohn's Disease, except there's bleeding ulcers involved, and yes, it's super fun.  It's been relatively under control for several years-- I'd never had a major "flare" until fall 2012.  Then, I got really, really sick.  And because I'm a stubborn little mama, I didn't to go to the doctor and thought I was fine even as I wasted away to nothing and lost so much blood (thanks, bleeding ulcers) that I couldn't stand up, let alone function as a wife and mama.  After about  six weeks of non-functioning, I did go to the doctor, where I was promptly rushed to the hospital for a blood transfusion and treatment of my UC. 

This is why I'm thankful for TV. 

While I was flaring, and then afterwards when I was recovering, I could just barely drag myself out of bed to get my kids up in the morning.  I would make it downstairs, turn on the TV, settle down to nurse Oliver, and then not get up off the couch for several hours.  No joke.  When Oliver decided he wanted to move, I'd drag myself on the floor over to his bouncer.  I'd stick him in it, and then crawl back over to the couch, where'd I'd remain for an hour or two more.  I literally couldn't walk more than a few feet at a time without starting to black out.  Of course, how do you watch over a 5 month old baby and a very active 3 year old boy when you can't even function?
With the TV, that's how. 

My super active Silas, who previously couldn't sit still for more than 30 seconds, suddenly found that he could watch whole movies while Mama slept on the couch! I think there was one week where we watched Toy Story, Toy Story 2, and Toy Story 3 every day.  I have those movies memorized, and yes, I still tear up when Andy delivers his toys to Bonnie. 
There were days the TV was on 18 hours a day-- and I am so, so thankful.  It kept my children occupied and safe when their mother couldn't. 

After treatment and my medication got figured out and I started to recover, the TV started to play a smaller role in our lives.  It's still on quite a bit-- I do like my Project Runway and Deadliest Catch, after all-- but it's job has been greatly reduced.  Now that Chuggington's over, Silas has migrated to his play room where's he's playing with his trucks.  Recently inspired by the latest Truck Town book we've read, aptly titled "Smash Crash," Silas is now creating quite a ruckus with his dump trucks while yelling "SMASH!! CRASH!!!" Thanks, Truck Town.  Your next book should be called "We like to drive quietly along country roads" or something like that.  It would make my life a little easier.

Anyway, I know many people would condemn me for the amount of TV my kids watched for a short period of time.  But I seriously thank God for it.  It allowed me to heal and rest while my kids were safe and in sight. 
Also, somewhere along the line Silas learned to count to 10 in Spanish.
Thanks, Dora.  Now that that's done, we're Never. Watching. You. Again.  Take your backpack and map elsewhere, we don't want any of what you're selling. 
Bring on Phineas and Ferb!

Repentance, defined

Just a short note today-- at church our pastor focused on something that I believe the "modern" church either too often neglects, or hits hard in all the wrong ways: Repentance.  Literally, to repent means to "think again."  In order to be saved, we must repent of our sins and place all our trust and hope in Jesus Christ.  Our pastor used this quote, which is very unusual because he's not a man who usually quotes anything except the Bible:

"Repentance means turning from as much as you know of your sin to give as much as you know of yourself to as much as you know of your God, and as our knowledge grows at these three points so our practice of repentance has to be enlarged."-- J.I. Packer

This quote really resonated with me.  When I first got saved, about 11 or 12 years ago, I was an idiot.  I didn't know a thing about sound doctrine or have any knowledge of scripture beyond John 3:16 (though if you don't know anything, that's always a good place to start!) Looking back I can identify so many ideas I had, so many things I did, so much of ME that was still in rebellion towards God-- yet I do believe at that time I was saved, even if I didn't have everything (or most anything, really) "right."  As our pastor intoned today, NONE of us will until death or rapture.  Once we're saved, our whole lives are spent striving and growing in knowledge and faith.  After a decade-plus of true salvation, I can see that this is definitely true for me.  Things I believed or didn't believe or didn't know eight or ten years ago are just so clear to me now.  Things I did or didn't do... it's pretty much a night and day difference in my character, and I can't take ANY credit at all, it's all to the glory of the Holy Spirit.  And I still have so far to go!

I might revisit this topic in a future post, but I said I would keep it short... anyway, this was a great reminder for me today to extend grace and understanding to everyone no matter where they are in their walk with Jesus Christ.  People who don't know him, people who have just gotten saved, and people who have walked with him for years and years are all somewhere on the journey of repentance-- some are just babies (a better term than "idiot" which I usually just reserve for myself :) ), others are wise, and everyone else is somewhere in between.  Learning to "think again" about our own selfish desires and actions is an ongoing process, and as long as we lean on Jesus he will lead us the whole way.

You may have noticed the title of my blog.  It's because I think I'm pretty witty.
Ha ha.
But seriously, I do often find that I better express myself through the written word (is it that way for a lot of people??) Growing up I found a lot of comfort in writing.  I kept a diary/journal from 6th grade all the way through high school, and in retrospect I realized that writing things down helped me gain perspective and cope with all of the usual atrocities of adolescence.  I also wrote a lot of songs, secretly convinced of my song-writing-awesomeness.  Don't worry, I won't be sharing any said songs here.  Upon further review, I have discovered my songs were not awesome.  Somebody shouldn't have let their teenage daughters listen to the Cure.

No, this blog is basically for myself (because who are we kidding, I'm not getting any sponsors, which is what we all really want when we start a blog)-- maybe to perform the same duties as my old diaries did back in the mid-90's, when it took 15 minutes to get on the internet and 30 to check your AOL account so nobody had the time to write their thoughts down online so they did it in a notebook.  I'm mostly going to use this as a way to share my thoughts on raising my kids, loving and living with my awesome husband, and my walk with my Lord Jesus. 

I might also talk about politics sometimes, and also reality television.  Two things I pretend to hate but secretly love.

Anyway, one thing I did in high school that I have been thinking I need to start again was make a conscious effort to share my gratitude and thankfulness for all of the many, many blessings in my life.  For several years I really did try very hard to think of 5 things every single day that I was thankful for, and write those things down even if I didn't add anything else to my journal.  I believe that this really helped me develop my deep sense of gratefulness and understanding of how gracious God is, even before I became a Christian.  It was very good practice in helping me understand perspective and blessings-- even if I was having a crappy day (for instance, a boyfriend dumping me or getting benched on the basketball court, both absolute travesties for me in the year 2001), I forced myself to look at my life and realize just how absolutely blessed I was, and how God was using these circumstances to change me and grow me into the person who would best reflect His glory and goodness. 

In high school my list often included very superficial things, like my awesome prom dress (I still love my senior prom dress, wish I had somewhere to wear it...) or that I didn't need braces (for reals, that was on there one day).  One time I wrote that I was thankful that a girl who wasn't necessarily very friendly to me was nice that day (how I cringe at the thought of high school girl meanness! Seriously, we might homeschool, and that plays a large part in our thought process.  But I digress.)

Once a week or so I'm going to use my blog to point out a few things that I am thankful for.  Here goes our first post!

*I am thankful for free cake samples. 
      Today I ordered my youngest son's (Oliver) first birthday cake, and it would have been a disaster if the bakery hadn't oh-so-generously offered small bites of cake to sample on their countertop. 
      Yes, I stuffed my 11 month old's mouth full of sugar to keep him quiet and content for 5 minutes.
      No, I am not sorry.

*I am thankful for selfless and gracious family members.
     My mom came and got my oldest son (Silas) so he could play at her house while I ran errands with my baby.  Also, my sister is currently designing birthday party invitations for Oliver's birthday party, which is super awesome because she's creative and Oliver gets to have one-of-a-kind invites with OLIVER tractors on them, NOT John Deere.

*I am thankful for the grace and forgiveness that Jesus extends to each and every one of us.
      Some of the stories that have been popping up on my newsfeed lately (namely, the abortion doctor who murdered children both inside and outside of the womb) have been really weighing on my heart.  I am so grieved and angered at these atrocities, it helps me to remember to fix my thoughts on Jesus: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."-- Philippians 4:8.  Each and every one of us is a sinner, cut off from God, and it is ONLY by his blood and grace that any one of us, myself included, can be saved.  Whenever the world gets overwhelming and scary, I fix my eyes on Jesus and remember that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28), even if sometimes we don't understand how or why.  "Though he slay me, yet I will trust in Him"-- Job 13:15

Annnnd my coffee is done.  Time for a little caffeine-fueled Project Runway.

This is a picture of my senior prom dress.  My photoshop skills are awesome, I erased my friend Chelsey from the picture so she wouldn't have to be on my blog in her junior prom dress for all of eternity.  I would have uploaded a different picture, but all the rest included my high school boyfriend, and that was a bad breakup.  So here we are.