I should have stayed home.
First, Oliver fell asleep about 5 minutes into the drive (I don't know about you, but it ruins.my.life when my kids fall asleep in the car. "I took a 3 minute nap! I don't need another one! But I will cry ALL DAY LONG because I AM SO TIRED!!") When I maneuvered my giant SUV into the library parking lot, of course it was full. But aha! I spotted ONE open spot... squeeeeezed in between a median and another SUV, which was *slightly over* the line, and whose driver was currently strapping a baby into a stroller.
Maybe it's because I'm pregnant/delusional/same thing, but I really thought I could make it.
Yeah. Remember my GIANT SUV? Not so much.
I ended up scratching this poor woman's (much nicer than ours) SUV while she and her kids watched in horror. I was in horror. Silas was in horror. Oliver, who up until this point had been taking a nice little snooze, woke up and BECAME a horror.
I have rarely felt so humiliated. How could I ever think my hulk of a vehicle could fit into such a tiny space?? The woman was actually very kind, we exchanged information and the damage will be taken care of (by us, of course). The boys and I picked up our books and got out of there, abandoning the rest of the errands I had planned to run today. The whole time, Oliver (who had calmed down but was now fascinated by what had taken place) kept saying, "Mommy, you hit dat car, mommy? You do dat? You say sowwy, Mommy?" Thank you, child.
I was shaky, but I really lost my composure once I got home. I just couldn't believe I'd done something so dumb. In full view of my kids.
I spent some time berating myself for my stupidity, and then feeling sorry for myself because I was so stupid. And then I realized that maybe it would be a good time to pray. So I did-- I prayed for the poor woman whose car I hit, her kids who saw the whole thing. I prayed for my kids, who also saw the whole thing. And as I prayed, my attitude about the event began to change. I started to thank God for things-- obviously, I should NOT have hit this car. But I did. I screwed up, and I cannot change that. But the woman was so kind and gracious, when she really could have chosen not to be-- and I wouldn't have blamed her one bit. I did not deserve her kindness, but I am still thanking God that she showed me such grace. I got to thinking about how this is an illustration of how God shows us grace on a much bigger scale. I absolutely 100% deserve whatever anger and wrath this woman had towards me. But she chose not to react that way, and I'm so thankful.
I also absolutely 100% deserve the wrath of God. It's true. Yes, God loves me, but he is also holy. This means, in the limited understanding my tiny brain can grasp, that unless I can live up to the perfect standard HE (not me) sets, I will ultimately face the wrath of God.
It is pretty obvious that I do not, and in fact, can not live up to these standards. But praise God, he has made a way to show me grace-- completely undeserved grace. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." One of my favorite verses, hands down. The hope of the world, summed up in that there sentence.
Though this woman was exceedingly gracious, there will still be consequences for me (insurance rates go up, money out of pocket at not such a great time). Though my sins are forgiven, and I am spared the wrath of God, I will still face some consequences for my sinful choices and actions.
However.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved-- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." --Ephesians 2:4-9
Words cannot describe my thankfulness and gratitude for grace-- ALL grace, which (directly as well as indirectly) comes from God.
I am also thankful for cupcakes, which I purchased and consumed later to heal my wounded pride.
This is my son Oliver, wearing a helmet while I drive, which is probably a good idea.
