Tell Me, If You Understand

Recently, in my quest to read the Bible cover-to-cover in a year, I read through the whole book of Job.  It’s certainly a story we’re all familiar with, and if you’re feeling self-pity, I recommend reading it for some perspective.  I've been going through a difficult time lately after experiencing another miscarriage.  It was very early, and physically I’m absolutely fine, but I am still a bit of a mess emotionally.  Having experienced a devastating loss in 2008, I honestly thought that if we ever had another miscarriage I would be prepared and it wouldn't be “so bad.”  Well, on one hand, it’s really not.  The experience itself was much less traumatic, what with me keeping all my organs and various body parts this time.  I knew fairly soon that things weren't okay, and I was able to prepare myself for what was coming.  I also have two amazing, hysterical little boys to focus on now—and I really have been appreciating much more lately what blessings they are.  But the sorrow I felt after a few days really took me by surprise.  I then started to feel, on top of the sadness, guilt and even shame for being sad.  After all, I have two AMAZING kiddos.  Some people, who would give anything for a child, have none.  I decided to tell very few people about the loss, only my immediate family members, my closest friends, and a couple of other people who needed to know for various reasons.  If no one knows, I won’t have to talk about it, and then, basically, I won’t have to think about it.

I changed my mind.  Well, God  changed my mind with His Word (funny how that works).  If you’re familiar at all with Job, you’ll probably recall how his friends and even his wife encouraged him to “curse God and die.”  I can’t even imagine how Job felt.  His whole life was wrong.  His children were dead, his livelihood was destroyed, everything he thought he could count on was gone.  Everyone loves to quote Job 13:15: “Though he slay me, yet I will trust him…”  And yes, this verse has been a comfort for me—a constant reminder that no matter what, Jesus loves me and I need to CHOOSE to trust and obey Him. But the verse and context that really stood out for me during this time was Job 38, when God answers Job in his lamenting.  You can read the whole passage here (and please do!) but for the sake of space I’ll share the brief verses that were most impactful:

Job 38:4-7
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding.
 Who determined its measurements?
Surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
 To what were its foundations fastened?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

I don’t believe God was “scolding” Job for his grief.  There is never any shame in coming to God with our mourning, sadness, burdens.  The Bible tells us that God keeps track of our tears (Psalm 56:8), and in Luke 12 He makes it very clear that He loves us enough to know the very number of hairs on our heads.  In fact, I believe God was comforting Job—giving Job reassurance that even though he (Job) had no understanding of what was happening or why, God did.  Even if Job couldn't grasp the purpose, EVER, of the mess of his life—God did.  Even when Job wished he had never been born, to avoid the torment that would be become his world, God reminded Job who was in control. 

What happened to Job was a thousand, million times worse than anything that has happened to me.  Yet sorrow is sorrow, and grief is grief.  Job was not ashamed to lament before God—why am I? When I lost my first baby, SO MANY PEOPLE came to tell me about their miscarriage.  I had NO idea it was so common.  Nearly everyone I spoke with shared with me their pain, and then how God helped them through that time.  It was so comforting to me.  Why do we, as a culture, turn away from each other, and from God, during times like this? As I read Job, it became clear to me that what God was calling me to do was to OWN and SHARE my grief.  Indeed, where was I when God made the world? How can I ever understand Him, or His purposes? I may not this side of heaven, but I can certainly trust Him enough to obey Him, and praise Him through every circumstance of my life.

Maybe you've never had a miscarriage (and I certainly pray you don’t!) but every one of us experiences pain in some form.  I encourage you to be honest, with God and with others.  "Tell me, if you have understanding..."  Indeed, we should share-- with each other-- if we have understanding.  Take comfort in Him who knows your pain and sorrow, and if you trust and seek Him, He WILL one day wipe every tear from our eyes. Many, many blessings, dear friends!