Pregnancy. #nofilter.

At this writing, I am 23.5 weeks pregnant with baby boy #3.

Yes, I know my house is going to be loud and dirty, etc. etc. etc.

Yes, I know I am outnumbered (I was already before, TYVM).

Yes, I know (insert dumb comment about having more than 1.5 children of the same sex).

I know I am not alone in lamenting the plethora of stupid comments that come my way when I'm pregnant. Most of the time, I have no problem fielding such comments-- but when I'm expecting, I seem to have a hard time filtering my responses.  Here are a few of the things that have been said to me when I've been expecting, and my actual, real responses to those people.

Sorry/Not Sorry.

*Conversation at Bible Camp with older woman when I was 30 weeks with #1:
Woman: Wow! Look at you! When are you due?
Me: In about two and a half months.
Woman: WHOA.  Are you SURE? I mean, WOW.  I would've thought you were due yesterday!
Me: Nope, not till October (it was August).
Woman: Well, I hear they're letting women gain much more weight these days.  In my day, my doctor only let me gain 15 pounds!
Me: Huh.
Woman: How much have you gained? I bet it's a lot.  You just look SO uncomfortable.
Me: I've gained the appropriate amount of weight for this point in my pregnancy.
Women: But how much?
Me: As much as I need to.  And I still weigh less than you.

This exchange ended well-- she laughed.  I did not.

*Drunk woman (girl?) at Jones County Fair, 28 weeks with #1:
Girl: OH MY GOSH (didn't say gosh) YOU ARE PREGNANT!
Me: Yep, sure am!
Girl: Can I touch your belly? (Didn't wait for response, starts rubbing belly)
Me: Uhhh....
Girl: It's so round! I can't believe there's a PERSON in there! I just love pregnant people!
Me: Thanks...
Girl: But I hope I'm NEVER pregnant! It's just so weird! And kind of gross! But I love you!
Me: I hope you're never pregnant either.

*Midwife appointment, 32 weeks with #2
Midwife: I see you've gained 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks.  That's too much.  You need to stop eating sugar and bread.
Kara: But in total I've only gained 16 pounds... and my blood pressure is great...
Midwife: But that's just too much.  No more carbs. How much are you exercising?
Kara: More than you, apparently. (Burst into tears, midwife rolls her eyes).
DISCLAIMER: This was NOT the amazing midwife who actually delivered Oliver :)

*Adult student in class I teach, 22 weeks with #3
Student: So did you find out what you're having?
Kara: Yep! We're having another boy!
Student: Oh, gross.
Kara: YOU'RE GROSS.

In retrospect, I am absolutely sure I said some really very stupid things to pregnant people in the past. I would like to take a moment to truly apologize to anyone I might have offended or hurt by my lack of understanding and complete ignorance of what is and what is not funny, acceptable, and kind.

Here is my advice to all non-pregnant people on how to address pregnant women:
"Wow! You look FANTASTIC! Congratulations on your blessing!"
The end.

PS-- I would also like to say that I am NOT on Twitter, so all of my hashtagging is ironic.

5 Things I Learned from Reality TV

This is a picture of my son and his cousin.  They are wearing buckets for hats, which would probably be considered haute couture on Project Runway.

I'm a big fan of Buzzfeed.  Whether it's something incredibly important that I need to learn about myself, like how big of a Harry Potter fan am I REALLY, or something really ACTUALLY important like which member of the Baby-Sitter's Club I am, I always find myself entertained and/or enlightened as I procrastinate.  Today I was inspired to create my own little list, which will probably help you grow as a person in ways you can't even imagine.

My list is called: 5 Things I Learned from Watching Reality TV

THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT

1. Always carry a fire-starter with you.
I'm a giant, huge fan of Naked and Afraid.  If you're wondering, no, it's not because they're naked (usually pretty gross-- first they're all white and flabby and then they're sun-burned skeletons).  It's because, as you know, I'm a bit of a prepper.  Not as in "I have a stockpile of weapons and seventeen years of toilet paper in my bomb shelter" but as in "I'm not convinced things aren't going to go downhill economically so I have a lot of rice and canned goods."  I like to call myself optimistically pre-Trib, but realistically post-Trib.  These factors combine into a fascination with survival shows.  I love Bear Grylls, but Naked and Afraid is the best.  These people know their stuff-- or they get legitimately injured or deathly ill and have to be e-vac'd off of whatever remote tundra they've been dropped onto.  The ONE BIGGEST TIP I've learned from this show is that whatever Egyptian-Bow-Drill-Hatchet-mechanism you SWEAR worked in your backyard the last 300 times you did it WILL NOT WORK in an actual survival situation.  So stock up on lighters, people. The last thing you want when the zombies come is a wicked case of cryptosporidium.

2. Hats aren't for everyone.
A few years ago I started watching Project Runway.  I'm not a huge fashionista (most of my wardrobe is from Target) but I do love watching creative people create.  I also wish I knew how to sew (more than hems and buttons and the occasional curtain, anyway) so Project Runway is one of my favorites.  I've learned that much of fashion is out of my reach, both economically and aesthetically, but I have noticed that many of the hats attempted by Project Runway alumni are utterly ridiculous.  Don't get my wrong-- they are glorious and amazing, but like much couture fashion, if you ever tried to wear one you'd probably be mistaken for an extra terrestrial.  Hats work for Posh Spice and all those other London-ers and Ketucky Derby-ers.  Hats, however, do not work for everyone.

3. Listen to your elders. 
I love Deadliest Catch.  I love watching how these people make their living in the toughest way I can imagine.  I also love Mike Rowe's voice.  Anyway, if you ever want to spot a train wreck a mile before it happens, watch a cocky greenhorn on Deadliest Catch.  About ten minutes into hauling their first set of pots (see how I used crab-fishing-terminology there? Not quite sure what it means or if I used it correctly, but I feel like part of the of the Northwestern crew right now) the newbie who was sure he was the good Lord's gift to crab fishing is slipping all over the deck in his own vomit, whining that everyone is mean to him and he can't keep up.  All these things are true, of course, but things would probably go a whole lot better if he would have kept his mouth shut, tried harder, and obeyed every order given to him.  Who wants to get on Freddie Maugatai's bad side? AN INSANE IDIOT, THAT'S WHO.

4. Pick up your crap.
Hoarders is a sad, fascinating show.  Every time I watch it I'm equal parts disgusted and saddened.  I'm disgusted because, let's face it, someone living in literal feet of their own literal excrement is at the top of the grossness scale.  I'm saddened because there are people in this world who have to-- or, as it may be debated, choose to-- live this way.  Yet once it's on, I have a hard time turning it off.  And seriously, it's been a great motivator for me when I'm lazy and tired and just don't feel like picking stuff up-- because here in Iowa in the summer, if you don't wash your dirty dishes fairly soon, you will have ant colonies take up residence in your kitchen.  And while ants aren't cockroaches or possums or cat skeletons, they can be kind of icky.

5. Make ice cream.
I love the Food Network.  I fancy myself a decent home-cook, and I love to try new things.  I love watching Chopped-- where four elite chefs compete to make the best meal out of crazy mystery basket ingredients like pig's ears and squid lips and root beer.  I have noticed, however, that the person who wins is almost always the person who makes ice cream for dessert.  You'd think the rest of the world would notice this and the judges would be having ice cream on nearly every show, but I guess it hasn't caught on yet.  Seriously, everyone who throws their twinkies and olives and hot dogs in some heavy cream and sugar into the ice cream machine is guaranteed to be the winner.

So there you go.  An utterly useless list of things that you needed to know to improve your life.  Once again, you're welcome.

Tell Me, If You Understand

Recently, in my quest to read the Bible cover-to-cover in a year, I read through the whole book of Job.  It’s certainly a story we’re all familiar with, and if you’re feeling self-pity, I recommend reading it for some perspective.  I've been going through a difficult time lately after experiencing another miscarriage.  It was very early, and physically I’m absolutely fine, but I am still a bit of a mess emotionally.  Having experienced a devastating loss in 2008, I honestly thought that if we ever had another miscarriage I would be prepared and it wouldn't be “so bad.”  Well, on one hand, it’s really not.  The experience itself was much less traumatic, what with me keeping all my organs and various body parts this time.  I knew fairly soon that things weren't okay, and I was able to prepare myself for what was coming.  I also have two amazing, hysterical little boys to focus on now—and I really have been appreciating much more lately what blessings they are.  But the sorrow I felt after a few days really took me by surprise.  I then started to feel, on top of the sadness, guilt and even shame for being sad.  After all, I have two AMAZING kiddos.  Some people, who would give anything for a child, have none.  I decided to tell very few people about the loss, only my immediate family members, my closest friends, and a couple of other people who needed to know for various reasons.  If no one knows, I won’t have to talk about it, and then, basically, I won’t have to think about it.

I changed my mind.  Well, God  changed my mind with His Word (funny how that works).  If you’re familiar at all with Job, you’ll probably recall how his friends and even his wife encouraged him to “curse God and die.”  I can’t even imagine how Job felt.  His whole life was wrong.  His children were dead, his livelihood was destroyed, everything he thought he could count on was gone.  Everyone loves to quote Job 13:15: “Though he slay me, yet I will trust him…”  And yes, this verse has been a comfort for me—a constant reminder that no matter what, Jesus loves me and I need to CHOOSE to trust and obey Him. But the verse and context that really stood out for me during this time was Job 38, when God answers Job in his lamenting.  You can read the whole passage here (and please do!) but for the sake of space I’ll share the brief verses that were most impactful:

Job 38:4-7
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding.
 Who determined its measurements?
Surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
 To what were its foundations fastened?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

I don’t believe God was “scolding” Job for his grief.  There is never any shame in coming to God with our mourning, sadness, burdens.  The Bible tells us that God keeps track of our tears (Psalm 56:8), and in Luke 12 He makes it very clear that He loves us enough to know the very number of hairs on our heads.  In fact, I believe God was comforting Job—giving Job reassurance that even though he (Job) had no understanding of what was happening or why, God did.  Even if Job couldn't grasp the purpose, EVER, of the mess of his life—God did.  Even when Job wished he had never been born, to avoid the torment that would be become his world, God reminded Job who was in control. 

What happened to Job was a thousand, million times worse than anything that has happened to me.  Yet sorrow is sorrow, and grief is grief.  Job was not ashamed to lament before God—why am I? When I lost my first baby, SO MANY PEOPLE came to tell me about their miscarriage.  I had NO idea it was so common.  Nearly everyone I spoke with shared with me their pain, and then how God helped them through that time.  It was so comforting to me.  Why do we, as a culture, turn away from each other, and from God, during times like this? As I read Job, it became clear to me that what God was calling me to do was to OWN and SHARE my grief.  Indeed, where was I when God made the world? How can I ever understand Him, or His purposes? I may not this side of heaven, but I can certainly trust Him enough to obey Him, and praise Him through every circumstance of my life.

Maybe you've never had a miscarriage (and I certainly pray you don’t!) but every one of us experiences pain in some form.  I encourage you to be honest, with God and with others.  "Tell me, if you have understanding..."  Indeed, we should share-- with each other-- if we have understanding.  Take comfort in Him who knows your pain and sorrow, and if you trust and seek Him, He WILL one day wipe every tear from our eyes. Many, many blessings, dear friends!

The Very Worst Homeschooling Mom in the World

*Child-version TMI warning

Recently, we've made the decision to homeschool our children.  This post is not about why, or for how long, or even how we came to that decision.

This post is about my utter failure, and then subsequent triumph, to teach my then-3-year-old how to spell his name.

I became aware of the fact that I should probably be doing SOMETHING to educate my child in February of this year, when we went a cousin's 4th birthday party.  Silas, 3 at the time, couldn't tell you an A from a B, or that things such as letters existed.  He could sing the ABC's, count to 20, tell you all the colors of the rainbow (and even count to 10 in Spanish, the only time I'll ever be glad that Dora exists), but the concept of letters and them having meanings was completely foreign to him.  As I watched his sweet, bright cousin spell her whole name, I made a goal to teach Silas to recognize his name by the time he was 4.

I didn't want to spend any money on any sort of curriculum (come on, he's 3) so I decided to go about it the old-fashioned way: by the seat of my pants, no idea what I was doing.  I introduced Silas to letters-- we did puzzles and sang songs and did flashcards and read, read, read, read (we read A LOT in this house) but it just didn't seem to be clicking.  In March we reached the 1 month mark and he still couldn't sight recognize a thing.  I decided to pare down my ambitious goal and just teach him one single, stinking letter-- the letter "S."

I kid you not, we spent HOURS on the letter S.  We continued with our flash cards and puzzles.  We drew the letter S in various forms-- sidewalk chalk, shaving cream, markers and crayons and even using pull-apart Twizzlers.  I would think he was finally getting it-- I would see an "S" on a sign or in a book and would ask him, over and over, "Silas! What letter is this?!?"

Blank stare.

"You know it! It stands for... SILAS... it makes an "esssssssss" sound like a snake??"

Blank.

I felt like the very worst homeschooling mom in the whole, entire world.  How could I expect to teach my kids math (which I barely understand myself) if I can't even communicate the STUPID STINKING SORRY LETTER S?????

And then, one day in August, a month before his 4th birthday, a breakthrough.

Silas was in the bathroom, and I was doing something else upstairs.  He started yelling, loud and urgent:

"MOM! MOM! MOM! COME HERE RIGHT NOW MOM MOMOMOMOMOM!"

I thought he had fallen or cut himself or that he was drowning in the toilet, so I raced as fast as I could to the bathroom-- only to find him standing, pants down and half-naked, proudly next to the potty, pointing with his finger and a bright, excited look in his eyes.

"MOM!!! MY POOP IS AN 'S'!"

And... it was.

And, being the mother of boys that I am, I wiped his butt, and gathered him in a huge hug.
"IT IS! IT IS! I'm SO proud of you! I am SO happy your poop made an S!"

And then we said goodbye to the S, and flushed it away.

He learned the rest of the letters in his name within the next two weeks.  I owe it all to the potty.

A very proud Silas

Up On the Mountain

For a while now, it’s been my husband’s and mine conviction to let God plan our family.  If you know me, you’ll recognize that it took a lot for me to get to that place—a lot of prayer, time spent in the Word, and a lot of Biblical counsel from Godly men and women.  I adore my children, but mothering hasn’t always come easy to me.  Yet once I did get there—get to that place where I put my total trust in the Lord to deliver the children in our family according to his perfect plan—it didn’t turn out like I thought it would. 

 
Have you ever experienced a situation like this? Where you desire something good, acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2)… and instead of everything falling into place, you have to wait? And wait, and wait, and wait?

Just FYI: This post isn’t (really) about my fertility.  Bear with me.

When I chose to turn over the number of and space between children to God, He really did a number on me.  I grew up believing I’d only have 2 (maybe, if things got crazy, 3!) children, because that’s all I knew. (I’d like to make a disclaimer here—this is our personal conviction.  If you are reading this and do not share this conviction, please do not be offended.  I believe this is a non-salvation issue; for us, it has been a sanctification process.  Also, if you have had a struggle to have any children at all, or have not been able to, please know I do not mean to equate what God has taught me with your pain and your journey.  This is merely meant to encourage anyone who wants something “good” and has been told.. patience, Grasshopper.  End disclaimer).  When God changed my heart, He went all out—I honestly went from being terrified to have “too many” children to DESIRING a “quiver full” (Psalm 127).  I longed for a large family, and because it had taken SO MUCH for me to get to that place, and because it was a “good” desire…. I assumed that instantly, I would get it.  I was on that spiritual mountaintop we've all been on—I had found such communion and joy in the Lord, I couldn't imagine ever questioning or doubting ever again, because God has revealed Himself to me! I had finally surrendered! Even if I would never admit it, I really believed, deep down in my heart, that all God needed from me was surrender, and then He would bless me.

Imagine my surprise when things haven’t turned out this way.  I have friends still in their 20’s and very early 30’s who have 5 and 6 children, and will almost certainly have more… and here I am, believing and practicing the same things, and I have 2.  I realize that I am young, and have plenty of time, but patience isn’t my strong suite.  And please know that on this earth, my two boys are THE greatest blessings.  But it is my heart’s desire to have more children, so with every passing month that it doesn’t happen, I start to question what’s going on—with my body, with my life, with my faith.  I started wondering WHY God would put a longing in me for something that he LOVES: children!, if I wasn’t going to have any more children RIGHT AWAY, or even, not at all. 

Recently, I’ve come to see that this struggle I’ve been having isn’t necessarily about the size of my family.  It’s not about how strong my faith is, or how amazing my witness is, or about showing the world how different I am because I love Jesus.  All of these things are GOOD—we should want what He wants, desire for His desires, love what He calls good and hate what He calls evil (Romans 12:9).   

This is something more personal.  It’s between me and God.  It’s about doing what I thought I was doing initially—giving up every ambition and hope, every dream, even if it is good, to the will of God.  In those moments when I reach the “peak,” I believe Him completely. 

And then we come down the mountain, and live life as we must, in fact, as God calls us to—through refinement and struggles and persecution.  Maybe, for you, your desire and hope is a Godly husband or wife.  Maybe it’s a career to provide for your family.  I have dear friends who have a heavy burden to care for the orphan through adoption.  Yet every time they move forward, in faith, God shuts doors and opportunities are lost.  How can this be? How can a God who loves us deny us “good” things?

You see, if I trust Him, I need to give up any expectation or goal or dream to Him.  If I want to obey and serve Him, and be in a right relationship with Him, I need to acknowledge and accept that He is going to use painful situations to teach me.  God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, for goodness’ sake! And he was willing to do that. Through this time of hoping and waiting, I have come to realize that even though I’ve “come down from the mountain,” and my expectations aren’t coming to fruition, God is using this circumstance to refine me.  I have got to get to that place, where I thought I was the first time, of when I say “not my will, God, but yours”—I really mean it.  I need to turn that easy obedience into practiced obedience, and that easy trust into implicit trust.  I need to come down from the mountain, yet remain in the spirit of my experience there. 

He wants us to desire good things. 

Mostly, He wants us to desire Him.

"This I Know"-- my new song obession, by (who else?) David Crowder

Up on the mountain

Where You taught my soul to sing

Amazing grace the sweetest thing

This I know

And then the storm rushing in

And here I am again

This I know

Take me up to where I was

When I never wanted more than You

Lift me up to feel your touch

It wouldn't be that much for You

This I know

This I know

This I know

This I know

Up on the mountain

Where You took me by the hand

Taught me to dance again

This I know

Up on the mountain

Where You took this heart of stone

Put life back in these bones

This I know

Take me up to where I was

When I never wanted more than You

Lift me up to feel your touch

It wouldn't be that much for You

This I know

This I know

This I know

This I know

Today I Baked a Cake: A Poem

A little poem for my faithful readers.  AKA my Grandma.  Ha ha.

My little men helping me in the kitchen

Today I baked a cake
I made it with my sons
It wasn't hard to make
We all had lots of fun

I measured out the flour
We spilled some on the floor
We baked it 'bout an hour
And then could wait no more

I set it out to rest
High upon the counter
I noticed I hadn't dressed
Nor had I even showered

I warned my sons I was watching
I told them not to touch
While I was busy washing
I didn't hear too much

If you have toddlers playing
Their laughter is so dear
But when they're disobeying
Silence you will hear

Alas, my chocolate
Confectionary treat
Was scattered around the faucet
And underneath my feet

"I wonder who did that!"
They said with a chocolatey grin.
I guess now we'll have a chat
About how lying is a sin.


This is a true story.  I made another one.
The end.

Advice to a 19 Year Old

I recently read this blog post which made me laugh really hard.. mostly because it described me to a "T" around the age of 21.  If you're not aware, I have actually been engaged twice-- once, of course, to my wonderful husband of 7 years, and once to.. someone else.  I'm not going to go into it, and I wish nothing but the best for that person, but to make a long story short-- it was a terrible decision, and we would have BOTH been miserable, and ending the engagement was one of the best things we could have ever done.  Anyway, I was reflecting on who I was THEN, when I got engaged at the ripe old age of 19, and who I am NOW, 10 years later at age 29.  If I could whisper in the ear of my 19-year-old self, and give her a little advice, I would say the following:

Summer 2003! Left to right:
Me, Trisha, Erin, Gretchen, Stace
All beautiful sisters in the Lord, all still friends of mine today

*If you feel, in your gut, that it's wrong-- it is.  I love reading advice columns ("Dear Prudie" is always interesting...) mostly because, on the outside, it is pretty obvious what the person is asking for-- permission and/or absolution.  Many of us know what the right thing to do is when faced with decisions, and yet we waver, I believe, because of our inherent sin nature.  James 4:17 makes it pretty clear: "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is a sin."  Whether we knew we were wrong getting into the situation in the first place and don't want to deal with the consequences, or we suddenly have to do something very difficult and are trying to avoid getting hurt or hurting someone else.  Doing hard things has become a mantra of mine for this very reason-- I used to ignore or put off making a decision if it was going to be hard.  But trust me, the longer you put it off, the harder it gets for everyone involved.

*Don't buy that Ashlee Simpson CD.  Not only is it terrible, but CDs will be obsolete in about 10 years. And then you will be ashamed that you ever owned such a CD.

*It's okay to feel lonely.  Feeling this way is what draws you to the ONLY ONE who will never leave you or forsake you: Jesus (Deuteronomy 31:6) Stop trying to cling to people and relationships that are unhealthy just because you're scared to be alone-- God is giving you this opportunity to learn to lean into and trust in Him completely.

*When you pray, listen.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice evermore; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."  Pray unceasingly and yes, ask God for the things you (think) you want and need, but mostly, concern yourself with listening and obeying what He tells you.  I have never audibly heard the voice of the Lord, but I *have* heard His voice. Being in the Word is so crucial-- much more so than having a date tomorrow night or getting an A on that project that's due next week.

Si and I at an ISU football game--
Almost exactly 10 years after the top picture was
taken! How time flies, and things change, PTL!

*Shovel the driveway when it snows, and don't use it as a trump card when you get into an argument with your roommates.

*10 years seems like forever.  Right now, it's MORE than half your life.  But trust me when I say that the next 10 years will fly like you can't believe.  Use these 10 years wisely-- trust the Lord, listen to Him, and be patient.  His plan and will for your life is so much more than you can imagine-- some incredibly hard, hurtful times, yes, but these times will draw you near to Him and you will learn to praise Him in all circumstances.

*Last, but certainly not least-- just so you know, the toilet in the basement is actually NOT a black toilet, it is white, and it needs cleaning.